Background: I work in the technology department of a store who's name rhymes with Naples.

( Chauvinism rant )

Dear, customers,

I ask a series of questions. I don't like it, but at the most, only one is required. That's the question where I ask you if you have our awesome rewards card. That usually comes after "How're you?" and "Did you find what you wanted today?"

A calm, considerate reply can be one of the following:

a) Yes, here it is
b) Sorry, I don't have it with me, can you look it up?
c) No, not interested

A douchebaggery, inconsiderate answer would be:

a) [icy death glare] Stop asking questions
OR
b) You ask too many questions.

I've gotten this about 4 times in the holiday season, which is fine and not necessary a C_S, but I still think it's rude. Yeah, I'm getting paid, but I'm still offering my services to you. Kindness goes a very, very long way. Especially when I'm asking you questions that might pertain to you, such as "Would you like a bag?" or "Do you want the receipt in the bag?" Yes, I've gotten that choice response after that, too, like I actually give a shit if you have to haul your one book or CD or calendar off to your Lexus.

Love,
Disgruntled Cashier

A note to the man at the bar last night:

It was totally cool that you were trying to chat with me while I was hanging out at the host stand because I only had one table. Asking me where I went to college is perfectly acceptable. Saying "Oh, man, working with the public is hard! I bet you hate your job, huh? I used to work retail. It sucks" is not so acceptable. My boss was sitting not three seats from you, for one. Also, we then had fourteen tables come in at one time with two servers and no hostess because the guy running the cabaret was seating people and not telling the servers (he was running the performance but isn't actually affiliated with the restaurant, so I guess that's another suck right there). When the other server and I are trying to figure out if we've split all the tables and not missed any? That's so not the time to pop up and ask what my major was. I was in the middle of a sentence and clearly very busy, so please don't yell at me when I ask if we can talk later.

My brother is one of the managers at a locally owned movie store. He's been there off and on for about 13 years. He see's some crazies now and again, but most of the renters are regulars.

A woman rented a movie called "sunshine cleaning"...77 days ago. After it initially being late, he calls..no answer, leaves a message letting her know it's late. Every few days they call, but no luck. Most times when this happens, the customer is dodging calls from the store, so one person might use their personal cell phone in hopes this will get the customer to answer. When they got a hold of her, she did not complain about anything. She brought the DVD back, or so they thought. It ended up being just the case. What good is a case without the DVD?

After much of her dodging, the head manager left a message,on day 60 of being late, telling her if the DVD isn't returned then it'd be considered theft and they'd file charges. This prompted her to call right back, complaining that the DVD never worked so she didn't bother putting it in the case. If it didn't work, why still have it?

When she brought it back, on day 77 of being late, she barged into the store arms flailing & screeching like a banshee on how she'd never been treated so badly and she shouldn't have to pay anything because the DVD never worked. She screamed that it ruined a work party since it wouldn't play. Employees tried to reason with her, let her know that her fee's add up to about $120 which needs to be paid. She refused to pay it. They let her know it'd hit collections if she didn't. They have her credit card on file (it's in case of late fee's they can charge it. Customers sign an agreement when they open an account), so they're currently trying to charge that card.

Oh, and the DVD played with no problem.

Reports from the tuxedo mine again. There really isn't much for us to do over the holidays much less much to complain about (other than trying to find parking, but that doesn't have anything to do with customers). However, we did take care of the tuxedos for the Symphony Guild's debutante ball this year. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but what I think it is is where the daughters of the Symphony Guild members have a 'coming out' party of sorts. The girls are presented with two marshals--generally a father and a friend--both of whom need tuxedos, as well as any guests. It's a real boon for us this time of the year.

However, I was a little worried because it sounds more like an event where the five rich people left in my rinky-dink city get together to flex their wallets at each other. Unfortunately, that was also right. While most of the people that came in were nice, several were more polite than my usual clientele, there were a handful that fit every snobby, rich-person stereotype.

Dear Entitled Assholes that I spent my Christmas with: 

NO! I am not your coat check.
NO! I will not drive an hour and a half to get you last-minute exchanges. You knew you needed to try this on.
NO! I don't think you need to steal the tuxedo, but I do have to see your license. No ID, no tux. Rental rules, bub.
NO! I am not required to take your tuxedo to the convention center.
NO! I am not required to pick up your tuxedo from the convention center. Or any of the hotels near by.
NO! I'm not going to give you a refund; you didn't try on your tuxedo, and you already got a 50% discount! Cheap-o
NO! I am not a pleb, nor am I your whipping boy. Stop talking to me like I'm a dog that peed on your rug. 

YES! This is a real job.
YES! I do have a brain, despite the fact that I don't make seven figures.
YES! I do have somewhere to be, I do not want to stay AN HOUR after the store closes just to hold your hand.
YES! I know your friend is DOCTOR Important!Pants. Stop correcting me.
YES! You have to return your tuxedo the next day, and yes I will charge you if you're late.
YES! I know that your shirt is OMGWTFBBQ!! a half inch short. Saying, "I thought you were a professional, hmm?" does not make me want to help you.

Screw you, guys. If you were so rich and so important, wouldn't you have bought a tuxedo by now? Quit bitching at me and my co-workers. Your money really doesn't make you that important. I really wish we could do something other than smile and ignore it, but this is a really bad time of the year for us and we need all the money we can get. >.< At least it's done until next year.

((Also, to the guy that defended us to one of said Entitled Assholes, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.)) 

Today, I took my little sister to the nearby mall. We left at around 5 and shopped for 4 hours, ending at 9, when the mall closed. Our final stop was to a Victoria's Secret, because she had a store card. I browsed around for that elusive simple black bra for use with certain outfits that I could never find. By the time I stepped up to the line, there was a line 15 people long. Little sister said "aw hell no" at the sight and decided to wait for me instead of buying anything.

I stepped up to the back and started waiting when there was a call from the other side of the store. More registers opened! Great! I and about 4 other people wenat over to wait. A mother and her children were on one register as another woman is putting a large order on a second register.
( In which a grown woman acts like a child )

Manager of an independent bookstore. Though we sell new books, we do offer an out-of-print ordering service (via abebooks.com) as many of our customers are not familiar/comfortable with the internet. For this service, we do add a markup on the book cost -- gotta pay our bills -- but it's the minimum cost-to-selling-price for the book industry. We're always up front that customers can go to abebooks.com directly if they wish to save our markup.

( Dear Madam )

On a normal day, this wouldn't bother me so much, but Canada's largest independent bookseller (and my former employer) just filed for bankruptcy protection. A hundred and seventy-five independent bookseller employees lost their jobs today.

Health insurance phone wench here. Even though we don't have anything to do with the normal retail holiday fuss and bother, the hateful attitudes people have this time of year still manage to spill over into our call center anyway.

Hey, I understand that it sucks that you have to pay your bill right now. Everyone's a little tight after the holidays. But just because you decided to buy a plasma screen, a PS3, and sixteen Blueray movies (someone actually complained about this) for Your Holiday Of Choice, doesn't mean you can verbally abuse me while you call to pay your premium. And no, I can't give you a discount/extend your pay period just because you're having a rough time paying. I especially love this when they mention that they're on unemployment. Which means they make a decent chunk of money more than I do. *bitter*

But the real kicker for today was this one lady.
( I'm going to sue you! )

I sooooo do not want to have to call this bitch back. x____X

Dear Sir/Madam,

Those newspapers are COMPLIMENTARY. That means WE pay for them so YOU can read them for free. Therefor, don't bitch and moan during the lunch rush when there are no newspapers free. We have a full house, odds are, they've already been grabbed by other customers. What do you expect me to do about it? Snatch a paper off another customer? Run over to the newsagency, thereby leaving a flat-chat cafe one staff member down, to get another paper? I don't think so.

And when I suggest that there's a newsagency close by and that you have plenty of time to get your own paper before you meal is ready, PLEASE do not reply with a snarly/huffy 'well, I'm not PAYING for it'. Dude, you just spent $20+ on your meal. If you're too cheap to pay for a $1.50 paper, then you're clearly not THAT concerned about catching up on current events.

Love me.

Ironically, we usually end up with far more papers from people who buy their own and then donate them to us. I guess 'cos you don't have much use for a paper once you've read it, so I can kind of understand people's irritation at having to buy one or go without. But seriously? Expecting one to ve available in the middle of a lunch rush? And getting pissed if they're not? I don't think so.

Someone at my new job asked me the longest I ever had to stay after close at my restaurant job.

I told him this story, which happened years ago. It wasn't the longest I ever stayed, but it was the most maddening.

At about five minutes to close, we had a table of 4 men come in. They were not my table, but the other closer's, so I sat them. They were not my favorite table, as we had been customer-free for almost an hour and would have gotten out exactly at one, but they were in before close, so not sucky (yet).

I finished up a few things and at one sharp locked the doors. The other closer took their order and by ten after one they had their food in front of them.

At 1:30, they are almost done eating when one of them waves me over. Not seeing my coworker around, I go over and ask what I can help him with. He hold his cell phone up and says that they have someone who is outside and can't get in.

I apologize and say that the doors are locked as we closed half an hour ago. He says 'Oh' and starts to talk to the people at his table. I head towards the back to finish closing the restaurant.

When I come back to the front of house, I immediately notice their is a new person at their table, looking at a menu.

They had opened the doors and let someone in our locked restaurant.

I gaped for a little then headed for the office to see what the manager decided to do- which was let their server decide. She decide to do so, even though everything in the kitchen had been turned off so the food choices were limited.

I got to ignore them until the left- they weren't my table so I could avoid looking at them. But I did get to hear the complaints the woman made about not getting her fried chicken.

1. No, you can't return anything without a receipt or gift receipt. Really. Not even for store credit. YES, REALLY. We are not OBLIGED to take back just anything and give you money or credit for it.

2A. "I didn't like it" is not a valid reason for returning a music CD. We do not take returns on opened CDs. Even with a receipt. BECAUSE YOU OPENED IT. Would you buy a CD that was already opened? That's why. The employee at [other store location] told you you could return it if it was only "lightly used"? Take it back to that store, then, because no one at this store would ever say that.

2B. I don't care if the listening station only lets you preview "one second" of the music. You still can't return it because you didn't like it. There are places you can listen to music before buying it, such as the radio and the internet. If you've only heard one song, or "one second" of a song, then you take a risk buying the CD. Storming off and leaving the CD with me because you "can't do anything with it now" will not change my mind.

3. Nope, we really don't take any returns without receipts. You're going to throw that board game in the trash if you can't return it for something? OH NOES. Never mind that there are plenty of better things you could do with a gift you don't want, that still doesn't make me want to lose my job by giving you money for the game.

4. Your receipt from August is no good now. It doesn't matter that the book is still sealed in plastic. We had a pretty generous holiday return policy which allows returns with receipts from November on, but August was FOUR MONTHS AGO. Yes, we have a hardcore strict return policy, but that doesn't mean we are giving you "bad customer service" (which you know all about because you "work retail"). We are being pleasant and polite and apologized for not being able to do more for you, because we do not make the return policies. Corporate does, which you would surely know if you work retail. Demanding someone above my assistant manager (who was the most senior employee in that day), and then the corporate customer service number, and then ranting about how you'll never shop here again, will not change anything or endear you to us. What will REALLY not help is coming back in roughly four hours later and trying the same routine with a different manager (though I was still there and witnessed both events). Now all the managers have been warned about you.

5. You can not return magazines. REALLY.

6. YOU CAN NOT RETURN GIFT CARDS. I AM SO NOT KIDDING.



At some point since Christmas, someone has yelled at me for each of these things. Yeah, we have a strict return policy, but it was brought on because so many people abused the old one. Is it really so unheard of for stores not to accept returns without receipts or on obviously used items? ARGH RETURNS.

Dear Customer-

You asked for a size 10A (ankle length) in a pair of jeans. I was with another customer, so I asked my fellow employee (who happens to be Latino- this will be important later) to run and grab it for you. I let you know that he would be returning with it, and went back to my customer.

We did not have what you asked for in stock- our apologies, we should have been more prepared for the holidays. He instead brought you the closest size we did have in said jeans (10R- two inches longer than what she wanted), and the 10A in a different (but very similar) color. He also offered to call around to other stores in the area to find if they had it (the nearest store is only 20 blocks away), or get them hemmed for you for a fee. You said "gracias" to him and went back to your fitting room.

You then proceed to snap your fingers at me, tell me he gave you nothing you wanted. you proceeded to call him useless, I explained why he brought you those two pairs of jeans, and re-explain your other options. You called him a "Damned Wetback", claimed he didn't tell you we could check other stores.

You can leave now- we don't tolerate that kind of language. Please, do demand to speak to the store manager. Would you like corporate's number? I would be happy to give it to you! In fact, why don't you use my phone? I'd love to hear their reaction.



Edited for spelling fail- let me know if there are more.

I posted this yesterday but wasn't able to check up on it til today and was told to remove a bit off my post because it was agaisnt the rules... by the time I checked today, it was already deleted, so I'm reposting cause I'd love to hear comments on it.

"I was always hoping I'd one day get to work in a retail enviroment that would fill me with wonderful horror stories and now I have it!

I started working at a newly opened Blue Box Store with the Yellow Price tag that makes you. happier. a few months ago. The first few weeks were awesome. Everyone was friendly, talkative, smily and just generally nice. Around a month or so ago, everything started going downhill and I started getting ALOT of jackasses, dumbasses, and rude-asses.

I have alot of sucks but this one is from last night. Here we go!
So, I work in the camera department, and I'm talking to a couple who are asking me the specs on a Nikon and whatnot and as I'm standing there facing the couple, I felt a "THWACK" on my arm.
Stunned and WTF-ish, I turned around and there's a man, with one of my stores shoppers in hand, rolled up. Ah, yes, the weapon. As soon as my mind put together that this man had literally just whacked me with a shopper, I got a stern look on my face.

Me: "Can. I. Help. You.?"
Man: (without emitting ANY sound whatsoever...) -points at camera in shopper and looks at me with a blank stare-
Me: -inwardly sighs and knows this won't be easy- "Do you want to know where it is?"
Man: -grunts-
Me: -walks over to the shelf next to him where all the in-shopper cameras are placed with a nice yellow and blue sign pointing it out. Picks up said camera and hands it to him-
Man: -stares at it, then... miraculously!- "Ring me up, now."
Me: ....o-k.

So, I ring him out in total silence, and as soon as he gets his bag and receipt, he throws the shopper at me and walks out. Leaving me to stand there, face flushed and very, VERY, agitated.
The poor couple ended up buying the camera I was initially showing them, probably because they felt bad I had to endure such idiocy."

I got to read maybe one or 2 of the comments I got and one of them was about How Dare I Leave Couple to Go and Serve Mr. Thwacky. I suppose it's my fault for not being a bit more specific on everything but I did ask the couple to please give me a second while they were still deciding between cameras and they were fine with this as they kept on browsing for a long while longer. I'm sure that if I would've told a manager what happened, he would've backed me up and kicked this man out but it all happened so quickly that I was stunned at this audacity to hit me, so I just rolled with it. Plus, finding a manager to actually COME as quickly as would've been needed was going to be impossible.


EDIT: Because apparently his age proximity was SO offending that people completely lost focus of the post and just ended up whining about it and about how I asked the couple to please wait a minute while I walked 2 feet to my left, rung him up and got him out of my store ASAP.

Dear Lady,

Telling me that one of my co-workers is an "idiot" is not the way to get on my good side. My job requires a degree, and in fact, not a single person in my department is an actual idiot. I work with them every day and I would know.

However, telling me that said "idiot" sounds like "some kind of chink" tells me everything I need to know about you. It tells me that you are NOT worth my time. I'm certainly NOT going to pass along your thoughtful critique to my supervisor so they'll know that you don't wish to speak to "goddamn immigrants" when you call us. I sincerely hope that you make good on your threat to not shop here until you can get someone who "speaks fucking English."

For the record, all of our reps, even the "goddamn foreigners" speak excellent English.

Long time listener, first time caller.

What i do: in ur librariez, RFID taggin' ur books. As such, i don't have a lot of public contact. However, i am in contact with the items they return to the library. So i see all the... interesting ways people treat the items they borrow, as such they are more WTFs than sucks. Continuing in letter format...

Dear Patron,

Thank you ever so much for returning the DVD you checked out of the library so that other people could view it. We do understand that sometimes in the course of usage, items can become damaged. Books tear, DVDs scratch, cases get beaten about a bit. These things, while irksome a bit, do not seriously bother us.

However, discovering the DVD you returned was soaking wet was a bit disconcerting. When i opened said DVD case to check for our RFID tag, and saw the paper insert (and my RFID tag) were soaked so completely that the blue backing of my tag showed through the white front of the tag was eyebrow raising. However, when i inhaled and smelled the bouquet of urine de human, i was a bit freaked out. i had to wonder 1) how this happened (although i don't really want to think about that too hard), and 2) what made you think it was okay to return something like that?! The least you could have done was taken the insert out of the case and let it dry before returning it. The best thing would have been to place it in a plastic bag and bring it into the library and explain what happened. The nice circulation people wouldn't have laughed. At least not in your face. Honest.

Plz to be treating your library items with respect. Kthnxbai.

No love,

I.C.N.

(fwiw, i turned it over to one of the circulation peeps, who placed it in a plastic bag, and turned it over to another librarian who will damage it out of the system and deep-six it. I then grabbed our disinfecting wipes and almost rubbed my hands raw. I just... ew. i've seen my fair share of somewhat ick-inducing things here (The maple syrup thumbprint on the Barney dvd was kind of an ick) but this takes the cake.)

001-021 x J-drama (Liar Game, PGSM)
022-087 x Final Fantasy
088-096 x J-pop (alan, Utada Hikaru)
097-100 x NISA (Ar tonelico)
101-123 x Tales
124-139 x tri-Ace (Star Ocean)
140-197 x Misc (Utena, Liar Game, Sailor Moon, Evangelion, Futurama, Dilbert)
Warning: Spoilers may be present.

( Fake cut. Follow. Baaaaaaaah. )

Background: formerly a residence porter (obai annoying drinky pplz and shitty minimum wage), now working overnight stocking shelves in the pantry (non-cooler/freezer foods) department at the Big Blue Store with the initials W and M (ohai no pplz and better pay).

Since I work overnight stocking shelves at the Big Blue WM and our store (and area) are pretty teeny, I don't actually deal with customers face to face.  One might think this prevents customer sucks and WTFs.

I wish.

FYI, this is a fair-sized list, since it's pretty much everything from the last... eight months, lol.

Dear Big Blue WM customers,

Please stop doing the following:

( Long list is loooooooooooooong *lol ancient internet joke* )

Background: hotel waitress. Customers usually use coupons to 'pay' for their set food unless they order a la carte.

There was a table who had a problem with their coupons- some kind of mix-up from the desk staff. I was going down to reception with one of them to clear it up. During the conversation with the reception staff he put his arm around my waist. He didn't pull me closer or anything. He just put his arm around my waist.

It got cleared up quickly, but I still did my best to put on a smile when serving that table for the rest of their meal.

Query: in what society is that acceptable? Seriously? You don't even know me, mister. I'm young enough to be your daughter.